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- The first thing you will notice on Love & Hookup is that it does not pander to the notion that you need to give up privacy. In fact, the site encourages you to be frank and tells you that you do not need to reveal anything at all. The free Hookup Affair motto says, “Love never matters if the other person is not interested”.
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May 05, 2021 The first thing you will notice on Love & Hookup is that it does not pander to the notion that you need to give up privacy. In fact, the site encourages you to be frank and tells you that you do not need to reveal anything at all. The free Hookup Affair motto says, “Love never matters if the other person is not interested”. Keep in mind how you approach this first meeting too, and if you have already talked on the phone, then you have a bit more of a comfort level than the alternative. Though it can be tough to think through that all important first greeting, if you put your mind to it you can give a good first impression and set the framework for things moving.
Determining what the right thing to say in your first online dating message to a woman can be tough. How do you get a woman's attention when she might be getting bombarded by messages 24/7?
We analyzed thousands of messages from men across the country and created the infographic below to give you a peek into how other guys are doing it. Find out what everyone else is doing so you can stand out!
What Men Are Saying In Their First Online Dating Message
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Our team has combed through and analyzed thousands of messages sent to women by younger men in our research study to see exactly what they say in their first message and how you can use that data to improve your own online dating success.
We collected our message data from many different attractive women interested in dating younger men with widely varying:
- Locations
- Careers and incomes
- Ethnicities
- Religions
- Interests
- Ages (primarily 30-45)
Our goal was to create a general picture of how men initially communicate with older women online and we believe we have put together a fantastic picture. This is info that you can use everywhere online from the few legit hookup sites and apps to more traditional dating sites.
How To Use This In Your Own First Online Dating Message
There are 10 key takeaways from this infographic that can help you in your dating life:
1. Give her something to work with
The first message shouldn’t be a novel but it should make it easy for her to respond.
Nearly a quarter of men just said something like 'Hi' or 'what's up'.
Way to set yourself apart from the pack guys....
In this day and age, assume most people have ADD online - you only have a VERY brief window to catch someone’s attention.
This is especially true for a woman in online dating who has HUNDREDS of matches.
You DO NOT want to make her work to like you.
Most guys kept the first message under 20 words.
Shorter and punchier is better but 20 words may be too short.
If you just send her the typical 'Hi' or 'Whats up' you are going to get a very boring response. This is a type of message you should probably avoid sending.
Do you think that is a great way to start of the interaction?
2. Don’t be afraid to talk about yourself
Dale Carnegie said that a person’s favorite topic of conversation is themselves.
But if you never tell a woman anything about you in your first online dating message, she has nothing to be attracted to… unless she’s 100% superficial and only looking at your bod.
Only 14% of all men talked about themselves when it came to messaging older women.
Yes, it’s good to keep the focus of the conversation on her, what she likes, and so on… But make sure to tell her about you!
Hit her with a few of the more interesting tidbits about yourself so that she will want to learn more. This is a great way to talk to girls online.
3. Most men talk about their fitness level or height (so don't)
So what should you talk about with the older woman and tell her about?
If you want to be different, DON’T talk about fitness level or your height… 63% and 42% of all men, respectively, messaged about those things.
Women do care about that stuff obviously.
But get her more interested in your personality and who you are.
Here are some more interesting things you can talk to her about:
- Travel
- Hobbies
- Things you have in common
- A funny moment
- Your motivations for what you do during the day
Take it deeper and don’t just be like any other guy.
Online dating is a numbers game but with a tiny bit more effort, you can drastically improve your results and your first message response rate.
4. If you’re going to compliment her be specific
Too many guys gave women a generic compliment in their first online dating message.
When it came to complimenting a woman’s appearance, 50% said something like, “You are hot.”
60% said something like, “I like your profile.”
This is boring.
This doesn’t make her feel like you actually looked at or care about her.
You’ve got to be a bit different.
Find something specific you can compliment her on if you want to charm her: Her eyes, an article of clothing she’s wearing, even a personality trait that comes across while you two are texting.
Women don’t get that type of compliment a lot so it makes you stand out from the crowd and catches her attention.
5. A lot of guys go right for the date
8% of men asked the older woman out on a date in their first message.
While this can be seen as a bold move it is typically not very successful unless you are incredibly good looking.
A woman is not going to meet you offline unless she is interested in you and comfortable with you.
Peaking her interest can be pretty easy if you can convey that you have your life together through your profile.
Getting her comfortable enough to actually meet usually takes a little more work.
If you are blasting out messages to every girl you see online and don't care which you meet that is one thing.
If you are more selective and want to greatly increase you chances of actually meeting a woman in person you should wait until your third message to get her number or meet up in person.
6. Drink dates are popular but it can be good to mix it up
“Drinks” was the standard date most guys (32%) opted for in their first online dating message.
Drinks aren’t bad.
A few drinks helps to loosen people up and allows us to have better conversations.
But did you know that only 1% of guys asked older women out to dancing?!
That’s needs to change.
Dancing is a fantastic first or second date (even if you can't dance).
It allows you to show that you can take charge, have fun, and that you are not afraid to try something you might not be great at.
If you’re scared of going dancing because you don’t know how, take some basic lessons.
You don’t have to be amazing, but taking a dancing class once a week for part of the year will put you in the top 10% of guys and give you a HUGE advantage over everyone else.
7. Asking for sex straight up happens but not as much as you might think
Asking for sex right away is VERY polarizing in your first online dating message.
While you may be able to find some success with this tactic it is typically a pretty low percentage move.
Every woman that we spoke to was extremely creeped out by the guys who sent these messages.
It probably didn't help that these guys almost always spelled something wrong!
Most likely, you’ll be scaring away a ton of women who MIGHT be down, but are afraid of committing to sex right away, or are unfortunately afraid of being thought of as “easy”.
Only 2% of men asked for sex as the first date.
Intuitively, most of us guys know that if we ask a girl to have sex with us straight away, the answer is most likely going to be “No.”
If you’d like to REALLY play the numbers game this could work, assuming you have an amazing body and pictures, and you’re looking for a woman who just wants sex.
8. Most guys leave the date general but you need to make it specific
Most men chose to leave the date as something general, like hanging out (around 30%).
Far less men made it something specific, like visiting a landmark in the city (6%).
Leaving it open and general is “safer”: There’s less risk of pushback or rejection if she doesn’t like your suggestion.
But being specific is better.
Not only can you screen to find out if you’ll like the woman (if she hates what you want to take her to), but feminine energy prefers having a specific and guided plan.
The more open you leave it, the less the woman feels like she can relax.
Especially when it comes to older women, you want to let her know that you have your shit together.
So, keep it specific: 8PM at the *neighborhood* park.
9. Thinking about telling her that she’s beautiful?
Most guys shied away when it came to using more sexually charged language.
29% of men told a woman that she was beautiful, but only 5% said that she was sexy.
While it’s good to be complimenting her, again, don’t be afraid of rejection.
Flirt online with a woman online to keep her interested (but not TOO much like asking for sex right away).
You’ll be screening out girls who aren’t interested.
From all these takeaways you should know that it’s better to be DIFFERENT.
You DON’T want to be doing the same thing all other guys do, because you’ll just get lost in the crowd.
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Here are some helpful tips from the 10 takeaways that can help you stand out:
- Keep the first message short (under 20 words) and send it after work (7pm) or during lunch.
- Don’t just make the first message, “Hi.” Make it punchy, like a question or a statement that intrigues her.
- If you’re going to compliment her, don’t make it generic. It’s better to make it about a specific character trait or body part.
- Don’t be afraid to tell her about yourself, but try not making it about your fitness level or height.
- Asking for sex is EXTREMELY polarizing - you probably won’t get many dates, but when you do….
- Ask her out on a very SPECIFIC date: “Let’s meet at XPM at Y place.”
Guys, today’s dating world is set up for your success. With so many sites, apps, and social media networks to choose from, it’s easier than ever to meet girls online and offline. Whether you’re looking for a date, hookup, relationship, or even marriage, you have plenty of options out there.
Thanks to online dating, modern single men can search for women based on their dating standards and start flirtatious conversations from the comfort of home.
Here are the 4 best ways to meet single women in the dating scene.
1. Online Dating Sites
The Pew Research Center says more than 40 million people use online dating sites to meet people. If you’re single and don’t have a dating profile somewhere, you’re missing out on the simplest and fastest way to meet a lot of attractive and interesting women.
We’ve tested a ton of dating sites, so we know which ones are worth your time. Our favorites include Match, which is designed to facilitate long-term relationships, and BeNaughty, which is designed to facilitate short-term romance.
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Our expert ratings are based on factors such as popularity, usability, value, and success rate of each site.
Relationships:Friends, Dates, and Relationships
Match System:Browse by zip, age, appearance, more
Our Experts Say:“Match has facilitated the most dates and relationships of any dating site, and its large audience and high success rate make it our top review...” Full Review»
Browse Free:View Photos Now
| User Base | Gender Ratio | Popularity (Visits/Mo.) | |
| All Singles* | 49%* 51%* | 39.7 Million* | Try Match.com FREE |
With Match’s comprehensive free trial, vast user base, and high success rate, it’s the go-to dating site all around — no matter what type of relationship you want.
Of course, if you don’t want a relationship, then BeNaughty should be on your radar.
Our expert ratings are based on factors such as popularity, usability, value, and success rate of each site.
Relationships:Hookups, Chats
Match System:Search by encounter, location, and more
Our Experts Say:“BeNaughty is a premier hookup app where you can feel comfortable expressing your desires. Plus, it's free to join, browse, and flirt...” Full Review»
Browse Free:View Photos Now
| User Base | Gender Ratio | Popularity (Visits/Mo.) | |
| All Singles* | 48%* 52%* | 13.3 Million* | Browse Profiles Free |
BeNaughty is great for hookups — so you’re sure to find exactly what you’re looking for within a few clicks. It’s free to join the dating site and browse women’s profiles until you find someone you want to message (which is also free).
Speaking of free dating sites, Zoosk has a ton of great communication features available to single men.
Our expert ratings are based on factors such as popularity, usability, value, and success rate of each site.
Relationships:Fun Dates, Serious Relationships
Match System:Search and get match recommendations
Our Experts Say:“Zoosk is integrated with social media sites, like Facebook and Google+, so it's very popular with singles on the go...” Full Review»
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| User Base | Gender Ratio | Popularity (Visits/Mo.) | |
| All Singles* | 48%* 52%* | 28.9 Million* | Start Zoosk for FREE |
Zoosk is great for casual dating, relationships, and social networking because singles can send likes, greetings, and some messages without paying for a premium membership plan.
If you’re a little more invested in the dating process though, an upscale dating site like eharmony could steer you right.
Our expert ratings are based on factors such as popularity, usability, value, and success rate of each site.
Relationships:Casual Dates, Deep Relationships
Match System:Personality test suggests matches
Our Experts Say:“Accounting for 2% of U.S. marriages, eharmony's compatibility-based system and commitment-minded user base are ideal for those seeking a serious relationship...” Full Review»
Browse Free:View Photos Now
| User Base | Gender Ratio | Popularity (Visits/Mo.) | |
| All Straight Singles* | 48%* 52%* | 4.1 Million* | View Profiles FREE |
The , eharmony dating site was built to facilitate serious, long-term commitments, and it uses a psychology-driver personality test to figure out who you are and what you want. You don’t have to do much searching on eharmony because this smart dating platform delivers daily matches complete with compatibility ratings.
2. Dating Apps
Dating apps offer a great way to meet local women on your terms and on your time. Dating apps have become extremely popular because they’re fun and easy — not to mention you can date from anywhere. We’re big fans of these popular dating apps:
- Tinder: the go-to dating app if you want to hook up.
- Hinge: for conversing with like-minded people who want something serious.
- Bumble: puts women in charge by only allowing them to make the first contact.
There are even dating apps based on religion — JDate for Jewish people, ChristianMingle for Christians, etc. As you can see, there really is something for everyone online.
3. Meetup.com
Meetups put groups of people together based on their mutual interests, and there are a lot of different groups based on a lot of different activities: cooking, hiking, painting, music, bowling, you name it. Pick the activity you like, and you’re going to meet like-minded people.
Meetup.com is a great place to find people online and attend fun events with them in person.
Sign up for Meetup.com, search for events in your area, and attend as many as you can. The key is to just get out there. Not only will you be able to interact with different types of people, but you’ll also get to expand your horizons, learn a new skill, or find a new hobby.
4. Social Media
Facebook is by far the best social media site for meeting women online because it’s easy to break the ice. All you have to do is read a girl’s posts and then comment underneath. Once she replies, you can start talking on Facebook Messenger. And since you’re a friend of a friend, she can feel safe around you from the start.
Thanks to the new Facebook Dating service, you can expand your reach and find online crushes in a snap.
Instagram can also give you access to attractive women in a more casual setting. You often get to see girls out partying, on vacation, or just hanging out with friends. Leave a comment on a photo or something she posted and try to go back and forth a little bit. Once she’s gotten comfortable with you, suggest that you move on to private messaging and even texting.
Meeting Women Online Doesn’t Have to be a Chore
Thanks to modern technology, meeting single women isn’t as hard as it once was. You can meet girls online by using the resources we’ve listed here. It may take a little persistence, but local women are all around you on dating sites and apps, so you should start there and see what comes of it.
Now that we’ve told you where to find hot dates, all you have to do is get out there. Your next hookup, date, or relationship could be right around the corner. Good luck!
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